where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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