Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
