You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
