i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
