tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
my liver is dry heaving
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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