why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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