I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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