I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
