you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
