Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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