god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
