Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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