i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
