I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
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You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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