im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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