Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
