return my video game
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
