ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
