My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize