Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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