yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
