I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
