I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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