My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize