A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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