I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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