Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
