Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
