There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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