Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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