I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this just has baby written all over it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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