Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
