1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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