What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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