No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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