the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.