i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married