I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
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I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
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Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement