Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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