mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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