I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
