I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize