Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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