Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
