So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
