I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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