one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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