Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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