So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
