If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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