WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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