Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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