Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
