You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
