I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
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Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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