chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
