so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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