and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
