Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
