she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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