A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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