the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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